One of the worst lessons I think I’ve had to learn is the difference between needs and wants. I think as children, well, in my family, you just didn’t ask because you knew the answer was going to be no. Because of that I think I give in a lot more to Pierce, and perhaps it is spoiling him, but I like it.
I can remember wanting this cake made by the grocery store which they had just airbrushed with rainbow coloring when I was about 12 years old. I begged. I was not having a party, and I don’t believe I asked for anything else, but I desperately wanted that cake. I’m not sure why I was really so focused on that cake, but I was determined that if I was loved {or even liked} by my family, I would get that cake.
I didn’t get the cake. I was devastated. I remember my mom baked me a cake and tried her best to make it look like that store cake, but it was what we would call a Pinterest fail these days. I’m not even sure why I still remember that cake, or many other memories, other than feeling so disappointed that I couldn’t get the one thing I most wanted.
When we decided to focus this year on becoming debt free, canceling vacations and cutting back on many things, we had no idea the struggle that would ensue. Can I tell you, 2016 has been a year of epic setbacks? EPIC. George Lucas cannot even fathom the epicness of all we have and continue to go through. I keep looking up, praying hard, and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Like most women, I love to shop, especially online. I laugh because I am cheap when it comes to groceries, clothing, and most things {except Disney}. This meme came across my feed this week and I laughed so hard, because this is so me.
But this year, my one trip to Disney wasn’t like that. I stayed sensible and as I tell my friends, I was my own voice of reason. I used to have friends call me when they wanted to purchase something that they questioned they needed and I would reply on the other end of the phone “I am the voice of reason”. I’d like to think I helped them avoid many pitfalls.
Yesterday, I found my first splurge and I had to reason with my own self. I’m trying to remember the difference between needs and wants. Do I need this? Do I want this? I can totally justify getting this for myself, because right now the emotional roller coaster I am on is tough and I want to fill it. The need to fill it is great. Normally I turn to food, and I refuse, thanks to a challenge I am in. Seeing those women work it hard has helped motivate me to stay on task.
I’d also normally shop to relieve the stress. I’m not a chronic shopper, but I can justify anything when under stress. I need this to help me feel better. I’d buy whatever it was and then regret the decision later. I’ve made a conscience effort not to do that this year. But yesterday, I almost lost the battle. Because the struggle is real and it takes effort not to justify why I deserve something.
Truth is, money is tight. Tight. Tight. {Sung like Robin Hood Men In Tights}. Not because we’ve made stupid decisions {lately}, but because life has happened and we have had to focus resources on a family emergencies and illness we didn’t expect. There are travel, copays, days off work and lost time. It has been exhausting.
I tried to justify the purchase saying I might be done with PT {physical therapy} in a few weeks, but even then, the reward didn’t seem worth it. One friend encouraged me to buy, and another, who is struggling with some financial issues as well, she was my rock. She told me they had grown on her too, but we both agreed it wasn’t a necessity and that our focus was elsewhere. Good friends are hard to find. She’s a gem, a rare jewel. So, I said goodby to these beauties. Never had I loved a shoe this much. Brooks Adrenaline GTS 16 inspired by the Boston Marathon. I want you, but you are not a need.
What I need, is great friends that listen and support and tell me NO, like my jewel of a friend. I want more of those, because yes people are a dime a dozen, but those who really hear your heart and fill the empty spaces with words of encouragement are hard to find.