I am posting this, because a friend was waiting at the end of my 10k yesterday to take a picture of me finishing. That’s me crossing the finish line. She took several and I’m so happy she captured this moment for me.
I learned a lot walking those 6.4 miles yesterday. People tell you about finishing and how great it feels. They really don’t talk about what it’s like to make it through a hard race. That pushing yourself beyond your comfortable box and comfort zone is a lot harder than you could imagine.
Mile 1 you feel great and you feel on top of the world. I kept going.
Mile 2 you start to question why you signed up for this. Yet I kept going.
Mile 3 you start negative self talking – especially if you aren’t part of the pack. I had my inner dialog, focused and kept going.
About mile 3.5 I left some things on the side of the road. My negative talk started at about mile 2.5 and that’s where I had to come to grips with some things. I used to be fit and trim. I used to be sporty spice and all the nice wrapped up in a skinny dress {and a string bikini}. That’s no longer a reality and I had to come to realize that was 15 years ago. I need to focus on today and not what was. I need to focus on what can be if I move forward and to stop looking back at those good old days. That’s a huge break though for me. I kept focused one foot in front of the other and kept going.
At mile 4, I noticed some intense swelling in my fingers, hands and arms. It worried me, because everything had doubled in size, but I pressed on. I also noticed my legs now felt like sand bags were tied to both the front and the back. It was hard to move as the legs felt like they each weighed 400 pounds. I kept going.
At mile 5, I questioned my sanity and I was just praying to God that I could make it since my hands were virtually numb. I was now walking with my hands in the air at a 90 degree angle to my body. My legs felt like they weren’t moving and I just kept telling the nice Sheriff’s officers that I was last and I was finishing. I kept on going.
At mile 6, I knew I was going to make it. When I got close to the finish line, one of the ladies who sat in the first corner of mile one screamed “you said you were going to finish #311 and you did.” I did because I kept going.
See, people won’t always believe you or believe in you. People may not wish for your success and may want you to fail. They hold you to the same weird set of values and ideals they have for themselves – because truth is they are too scared to tackle what you are. My husband did not think I would finish. Neither did some of my friends. I let it affect me for a few days and then I got up and got it done. I kept going. Because not doing what I dreamed only hurt me, and not them.
When Pierce got home he immediately ran to me to ask me “did you finish?” with wide eyes, he expected me to say I quit. But I smiled and said yes I did. That’s when he asked – “what place did you get?” and I proudly said, “I got last place, dead last honey”. I pointed to my medal and he was more excited then I was to see it. He learned a valuable lesson…it’s not about winning, it is about the challenge and finishing what you start.
People might not believe you or believe in you, but if you dream BIG enough, and believe in yourself that is all that matters. Looking forward, I’ve got a lot of great stuff coming. I’m focused on that and I’m not looking back.
